Fighting Against Self
by June2nd1992
Summary: Follow Bella as she fights off her needs for drugs, Edward tries to help, and she learns how to be happy by moving from her painful past. Little OCC, M for language and few lemons, same parings.
1. Neighbors

**Fighting Against Self is in Bella and Edward POV. Might pull out a JPOV or other's, but not many. **

**This story came to me while watching 'The Runaways' but it's not a crossover at all.**

**Hope you enjoy. Reviews are helpful.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong>Fighting Against Self<strong>

**Chapter 1**

**Meeting Neighbors**

Let's face it. We all hate our neighbors. Their loud, their annoying, and when the holiday's come their family members take up all the parking space's in the neighborhood. Though I was lucky growing up in Denali Alaska I met my two best friends, since they were my neighbors. But after I moved from Alaska and into San Diego, that's when I really understood the meaning of hating your neighbors. Every year during the holiday's, there was always so much noise, barley any silence. Not to mention that the house in front of my own had been under construction to add another floor for the past year and a half. My mom's an interior designer, so I know it does not take that long to construct the second floor.

I lived with two other people in our home. My best friend but more like a brother Jasper Hale. Jasper grew up with me in Alaska. He was my next door neighbor. We met when he accidentally threw his basketball to my side of the fence. He'd come over and asked for it. Soon after, we were both playing outside.

His sister Rose was my second best friend. Though she was a chick and I had balls, Rose was a pretty cool girl best friend. Rose helped me pick up chicks anyways. She was my…wing-women.

Right after high school, we'd both applied to all the same colleges. We ended up settling for San Diego University. It was a pretty cool school.

We were in our 3rd year in and we were having the time of our lives.

I live next to your obvious American family to my left. The male is your typical American guy that dresses in suites and works in an office. The female wears those weird Steford Wives sort of dresses. They live in their perfect white picket fence house. They have one son, who loves to play with cars outside their house. Their daughter plays with dolls and hopscotch with the other little girls around. Their too perfect and really annoying.

The ones at my right their's a bunch of guys living in it. They have party's night and day. Don't get me wrong, once in a while we crash their party and chill with them, but it would be nice to have some quiet when I'm trying to study for finals.

My other neighbors are the ones that butt in and want to know everything. Like this one time I had a girl stay over the night, I don't honestly remember her name anymore, and my neighbor walked up to me while I was taking out the garbage, asking me all this questions about who she was and why she'd left at 6 in the morning. Seriously, was there no privacy this days.

Surprisingly though, all the guys living to my right moved out. I'd heard they were having problems paying the rent. The point was that, maybe once they were gone, we'd have a little more quiet right?

The house had been put up for sell for the past 6 months. Just recently, the house had been piled with a bunch of workers remodeling the house. At least they had the decency to work during the early week days while I was out at school. I barley heard any noise at all.

By the time the house had been finished, it had left me thinking a nice family would move in. The house had been painted a nice dark brown color, with a swing under the porch, and a rose garden in the front yard. There was no white picket fence, but I had seen a dog house in the back yard. Their pool had been remolded, the tiles changed into a darker color. I wasn't stalking, trust me, but you could see everything in the back from my room.

Moving trucks came after. An interior designer was hired and working to get the inside perfect. I'm sure my mother could have done a better job.

The months passed and it had been a whole year, no one had moved in yet. I'd though it might have been a family who wanted a get away house, but that seemed highly unlikely.

The start of my senior year of college was close to beginning. I was getting home from working out at the gym when I saw a yellow Porsche parked in the neighbors house. The car was nice and very ostentatious. The red giant jeep next to it wasn't all that different, it was just as extravagant as the Porsche. Then there was the beautiful black mustang with the dark gray racing stripes next to the jeep. I was very intrigued into seeing who my new neighbors would be.

Now I just needed to wait and see who came out the house.

I didn't have to wait for long really. Jasper and I were outside washing our cars when we saw the door open. The first to come out was a short female. She was very stunning with obvious good looks. Her hair was short and spiky, a dark shade of black. Her eyes were green and she wore make up that only made her eyes even more brighter. She wore a gray dress with a fluffy skirt and black tights under. One look at her, and you'd think she was a pixie.

The other behind was just as gorgeous, if not more. She was a few inches taller then her pixie friend. Her hair was past her hips in mahogany curls. Her eyes were big chocolate eyes that held so much amusement and joy. She wore a black hoddie with the logo for UCSD, a brown leather jacket over it, and dark faded jeans with rips on the knee. Her feet were covered by brown uggs, the expensive kind, and she carried a black channel purse.

I'm not gay, I promise, but I did grow up with Rose.

The last to come out wasn't a female. It was a big buff guy. He was full of muscles and taller then both girls. He looked more like a giant next to them, but he wasn't all that tall from Jazz and I. Though Jazz and I were in shape, this guy looked as if he was on steroids. His hair was dark, short, but curly. If you looked at him, you could see a few features similar to the pixie girl.

But to be honest, I was more interested in the brunet.

The pixie women stopped in her steps when she saw Jazz and I looking at them. We both just smiled and nodded at them. She smiled brightly and grabbed a hold of the brunets hand.

"Hi! You must be our neighbors." her voice was high pitched and full of excitement. The brunet next to her smiled but rolled her eyes.

"Way to state the obvious tinker bell." so I wasn't the only one that though she looked like a pixie. Tinker bell was a pixie wasn't she?

"Shut it bells." it made me wonder what bells stood for.

"Yeah. We live here with my sister. This is Edward, no relations, but we grew up in the same town. I'm Jasper." Jasper held out his hand for the tinker bell. She happily took it. I swear it looked like she was just bursting with energy.

"I'm Alice. This is our sister Isabella…"

"Bella." the beautiful brunet interrupted, giving a sly smile. Her name did her justice. In Italian, Bella stood for beautiful.

"anyways…and our big brother Emmett." Emmett nodded at us, standing behind Bella.

"So your all related?" I asked.

"Yeah." they nodded.

"Beautiful and all, but Bella doesn't look alike to you." Jasper blurted out. I reached over and smacked the back of his head. Sometimes he had the tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Bella laughed and nodded, her eyes staring back at my own.

"Well that's because I'm the adopted sibling. Emmett and Alice are related."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." Jasper said. Bella nodded and brushed it off.

"So where'd you move from?" I asked.

"Washington. Some shity town called Forks." Emmett spoke for the first time. He looked intimidating and his voice was just as intimidating, but the tone of his voice made it seem sort of peaceful and chill.

"Are you guys originally from here?" Alice asked, her eyes on Jasper. I could see the instant sparks between them. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Jasper didn't usually stick to one chick. So I didn't want to start fights with my new neighbors. Especially when I was interested on Bella.

"No. We grew up in Denali Alaska. Edward and I met when we were kids and we've been best friends since." Bella looked at her watch and then looked at Alice.

"Tinker bell, we got to go." Bella whispered to her. Alice looked form Jasper and suddenly remembered something. Her surprised face said it all.

"Shit. Your right. Well it was nice meeting you Edward and Jasper. But we go to run." just like the first time, she grabbed Bella's hand and dragged her to the giant red jeep. Emmett waved goodbye as they all drove out the house.

"Interesting neighbors. I call dibs on Alice." I rolled my eyes and smiled at him.

"I wasn't interested in Alice." he smirked right back at me. Satisfied, we got back to cleaning our cars.

BPOV

"So tell me what happened after." I took in a shaky breath and whipped away the tears that fell from my eyes. I stared at the elderly women sitting in front of me, watching her looking at the notepad in her lap and dotting things down. Yes she was one of those psychologists.

"I woke up in a hospital with Emmett looking terrified." I felt his big hand squeeze mine and looked up to see the scared look on my brothers face. I knew I'd made Alice and Emmett hurt a lot, but I hadn't thought it would be this bad. I hadn't really considered their feelings at all.

"Emmett, is there something you'd like to add?"

"Well…when I'd found her…I'd though she was dead. I remember holding her in my arms and crying. Her body was just limp in my arms, so pale and bleeding…I felt guilty."

"Guilt! Why?" I screamed.

"I just…I could have stopped it if I knew what was going on. Bella we could have prevented this."

"Yeah Bells. I mean…if we hadn't been so lost doing our own thing…we could have seen the signs." Alice said. She sat on my other side, holding my hand tightly.

"Guys…it wasn't your fault though. I was…just lost. I'm sorry." they hugged me and I cried silently, feeling so depressed.

"This is good. Your all talking about it and trying to understand each other. Well…it looks like our session is done. How about we pick it up next Thursday at 4 pm?" we all nodded. Dr. Silver stood off her seat and shook our hands. We all said a quick goodbye to her and left out the door. We were quiet was we drove back home, lost in our own thoughts. Mine went back to the past year, reliving those awful dark days of feeling alone. I took a deep breath and decided that it was time to move forward. I would get better and I would be happy again, happy to be with my brother and sister.


	2. Struggling

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 2**

**Struggling**

I woke up early the next morning. I felt so relieved to be away from Forks, where all the bad memories were always haunting me.

I got off my bed and cleaned up my room a little, making my bed and putting my clothes from yesterday in the hamper. I grabbed a bikini set and slipped into it, deciding on going for a swim instead of exercise today.

Water had always been my stress reliever. Every time I just jumped into the water, it felt like I washed away all my problems. Until I stepped on land of course.

I did laps for an hour and a half, feeling some of my muscles becoming a little tired and sore. When I got out, I found Emmett walking out the glass door with a towel and my robe.

"Hey squirt. Breakfast is ready." I nodded and grabbed the hand he offered. Emmett used all his strength in pulling me out in one pull. I wrapped my hair into the towel and slipped into the robe. When I looked back at my brother, I saw his eyes scrunching up at my stomach. I looked down and saw my ribs sticking out. I frowned and tied the robe closed.

"Sorry." I whispered to him. He sighed and just guided me to our kitchen. I'd done so many hurtful things to my body, my health, and myself. I honestly didn't know what was worse.

Inside, Alice had our plates full of food. I looked at my own plate and felt my stomach churning in protest. I frowned and swallowed down the vomit that wanted to rise. I could see both Alice and Emmett eyeing me but trying not to be conspicuous about it.

"I don't know if I can." I whispered to them. They both looked down at their foods, looking at me with disappointment. I felt a tear fall and I whipped at it. I stabbed at the egg with my fork and grabbed a big chuck of it, shoving it into my mouth. I chewed it, feeling the taste in my mouth. I liked eating, I liked the taste of food, the problem was that I could never keep anything down, not after I'd fucked up my immune system with my shit.

"Eat as much as you can Bells. The doctor said you can't force it or you'll only throw it up." I nodded and ate bits and pieces of my food. By the time Alice and Emmett had finished, I had half my breakfast gone.

"That's it…I can't anymore. I'm stuffed." they nodded and let it go. They knew this would be hard, it would take a long time before I could get better.

We decided on just staying in today. We settled in the home theater mom built for us and watched movies all day. It was nice spending time together, we rarely did back in Forks. Mostly because I was still in my last year of high school and they were in college.

Somewhere after our 3rd movie, Emmett and Alice got hungry.

"How about we go and look for a Chinese restaurant?" Alice asked.

"Can you order take out. I'm not in the mood of going out." I asked them. Both nodded and grabbed their jackets.

"You'll be okay alone?" Emmett asked. I rolled my eyes and nodded.

When I heard the engine of Emmett's jeep fade, I went and locked myself into my room. I walked into my closet and looked at the full length mirror. Looking at me like this, you'd think I was your average happy go lucky brunet. Sure my skin was a shade too pale, but it almost looked like silver. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Carefully, I pulled my shirt over my head and pulled my jeans down my legs. I opened my eyes and saw myself again. My ribs stuck out like a sore thumb. My hips were bony with barley any meat on them. I was just too thin. I hadn't always been this thin. Sure I'd been thin in a size one, but…I barley fit into a zero now, sometimes my jeans sagged. I was extremely skinny, and all because of my addictions. Yes addictions, not one, but 3. Thinking of my addictions, I felt the crave in my body again. I slipped into my clothes and headed out the door, no note for Emmett and Alice, my phone sitting on my night stand, nothing to tell them where I was or for them to contact me with. I'd pay hell when I got home.

I drove around San Diego, scooping the place out for the perfect place that could get me what I wanted. I pulled up into a horrible looking street and pulled up into a 7eleven. I grabbed 300 from my purse and walked out the car. Near the door was a bum, asking for money to those who were walking into 7 eleven. His eyes brightened up when he saw me walking to him. I was sure I wasn't the only one who'd asked this sort of thing.

"Do you happen to have change…I'm really hungry and I don't have anything." the sad look in his eyes didn't convince me. I knew once I turned around he'd buy himself booze. I'd seen it happen a million times.

"Tell you what. You go in there and buy me a bottle of the strongest vodka and I'll give you the change and 200." I said to him. He almost burst with happens. I handed him the hundred and saw him sprint into the store. I leaned against the wall and waited. He came back soon, a bottle inside a brown paper bag. I took it into my hands and gave him what I'd promised him.

"God bless you." he yelled after me. I laughed as I got in my car and set the bottle in my car.

"God bless me? Please…I'm going straight to hell."

I drove around, wondering exactly what I was suppose to do now. At least when I was in Forks, I could have gone to a friends house, or locked myself in my room. I couldn't anymore. Alice and Emmett would snatch the vodka from me and give me hell to pay.

I drove around for what felt like ever. It got dark soon. I didn't even notice where I was until I found myself pulling up into my driveway.

"What the hell." I muttered to myself.

Alice and Emmett's cars were there, but I saw the lights on and I knew they were inside waiting for me. I sat in my car and though of just drinking my shit in the car, but I hated stinking up my car with alcohol. I stared at the bottle on my seat, contemplating on my next move.

_You have your alcohol, so what now? Are you just going to go back on your word? Are you going to disappoint Emmett and Alice again. _

My stupid self-conscious flashed back to this morning, when they'd looked at me with disappointment when I wanted to refuse to eat. I hated that look. I use to live to see my brother and sister looking at me with pride, and lately that pride had been gone.

I felt cold tears running down my cheeks. I whipped them off and looked straight ahead. My hand closed around the neck of the bottle, my thumb creasing the cap. I could drink it right here, get wasted off my ass and go home and face my death sentence. Or I could go inside, fess up to my actions and face the consequences. Neither was looking good right now. But I'd rather feel less guilty.

I'd promised Alice and Emmett I'd get better, even if it meant living with the crave forever.

With my mind made up. I closed my hand tightly around the neck and left out the car. I went inside the house and found Emmett and Alice sitting on the couch, looking worried. I stuck my hand out and looked away from them, holding out the bottle for them to take. Alice ripped it out my hand and flung it across the room, smashing it into the wall. I flinched when I heard the sound of glass breaking, seeing the alcohol splash on the wall and the floor. I inhaled deeply, feeling everything in body telling me to just turn around and find another bum.

"How could you be so stupid." Alice smacked the back of her hand across my cheek. I felt a little blood dripping down my lip and I knew she'd wounded me. My whole right cheek throbbed madly. I didn't say anything, I just stood there and looked away from her.

"You swore to me…you said you wouldn't do this shit again. Are you fucken trying to kill yourself?" she was livid. I knew she'd react this way, but what else did she want me to do. I told her it wouldn't be that easy. She and Emmett had been gone for a whole fucken year. A whole year where my whole life had been turned upside down.

"God Bella. Just go to your fucken room. Stay there and don't go back to get fucken alcohol again. I swear I might have to lock you in there." Alice wasn't a person who cussed, but when she was angry…she was angry. I didn't say anything still. I just turned towards the hall and started to walk there. I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and felt Emmett stopping me.

"Wait." He whispered. Hearing the sadness and fear in his voice, I was struck with even more guilt. I looked down at my feet and let my tears fall.

"Why didn't you drink it?" he asked. I shrugged, not saying anything.

"Just let her go Emmett. She's being stupid about this." Alice snapped.

"Shut up Alice. Can't you see she's actually trying. She gave you the dam bottle. You know that a week ago, she would have came home drunk, instead she handed it off to you. Bella…why didn't you drink it?" he asked. I swallowed the sobs that wanted to escape and shrugged again.

"Tell me." he asked, but it sounded more of a plea.

"Because…I promised I would try." he nodded and hugged me, kissing the top of my head. He let go of my wrist and I left to my room. I closed the door behind me and slowly slipped into my bed. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out.

I'd done so much to hurt myself, and at the time I didn't really care. Honestly, I still didn't care. My life was little to me. But I was trying to change that, I was trying to live up to my brother and sister's expectations. I wasn't the innocent sweet little Bella they'd left a year ago when they'd gone to college, I was fucked up in the head and I'd lost my dignity. I'd done a lot of shity things and I'd hit rock bottom already. So I had nothing to me, nothing that could pull me out. Nothing but Alice and Emmett. That day that I'd woken up from the hospital bed and seen that fear in Emmett's eyes, I'd sworn myself that I would never see that look in his eyes again. But I was slowly bringing that look back, and I knew that if I really didn't try, I'd see it.

There was a knock on my door and I sat up in bed. Alice came in and I could see the guilt in her eyes.

"I'm…sorry Bella." she whispered. Alice sat next to me. Her hand held mine and we just leaned against the head board, neither one of us looking at the other.

"It just scares me Bella. When I got that call from Emmett and he'd said that you were dead…I was…I felt broken Bella. Everyone thinks I'm this ball of energy, and it's true…but with you gone…it's like my life shatters. You're my little sister Bella, we're so much alike and so different also. Please…don't ever hurt yourself again Bella." her thumb ran across the closed slits across my wrists. I inhaled deeply and looked at her.

"I'm trying Alice. I really am. It's just…it's hard." she gave me a weak smile and nodded.

"I know Bells. Sorry about hitting you." I nodded and leaned my head on her shoulder.

"Sorry Alice. I really am. I never meant to hurt you."

"Hurting yourself hurts me Bells. Remember that." she was playing the guilt trip, and I was sure that next time I though of doing something stupid, I'd remember what she'd said.


	3. Neighborly

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 3**

**Being Neighborly**

"Come on guys. I'm in the need of new shoes." Rose stood by the stairs, her hands on her hips and glaring at us.

"Rose, you just got new shoes last week." Jasper and I sat on the floor playing with his x-box.

"Jasper. That was last weeks collection of Channel. I'm talking about the new Prada collection. Stop playing with your little boy games. Let's go!" I rolled my eyes at her and threw a pillow at her face.

"Stop being such a condescending bitch." Jasper cracked a smile and moved his fingers quickly on the control. I was too late to react, seeing my little avatar die.

"Bitch." I muttered at him only causing him to laughed.

"Guys. I'm begging here. Please." we both sighed and put our game away.

"Fine." I grabbed my wallet from the coffee table and followed Jasper and Rose out the house. I couldn't help but notice that the Porsche and the mustang from Alice's house were missing. Ever since they moved in, I was intrigued to get to know Bella more.

We got in Jasper's Jaguar. I quickly started messing with his radio, searching for a descent station.

"Hey, so have you two meet the neighbors yet?" Rose asked. She sat in the back, filing her nails.

"Yup. A brother and two sisters. Emmett the oldest, Alice the second, and Bella the youngest. Bella's adopted." Jasper said. I nodded and looked out the window. Truth was, this was a nice quiet neighborhood. At least when my neighbors weren't being nosy.

"Oh. Interesting. Is he hot?" of course that's the first thing she would ask. Well, that was hypocritical of me though, because that's the first thing that I found interesting of Bella.

"We're not gay." Jasper said, rolling his eyes at his twin. Rose just smirked and gave us a little shrug.

When we got to the mall, we simply just stayed out of her way and carried what ever she bought. There was no reasoning with Rose. Once she got into buying brands, she didn't stop until she felt it necessary.

"Come on Emmett. It's not like I broke both my legs. I just sprained my ankle." I turned towards the voice and found Emmett and Bella coming inside of Calvin Klein. Bella was hanging on to Emmett's back though, getting a piggy back ride. Emmett had bags in his hands, but still holding Bella on his back.

"Bella…with your health, it's going to take a long time for you to get better. You know the doctor said your not suppose to get hurt. You easily bruise and hurt." Bella sighed and gave up on arguing with him.

"I look like an idiot being carried on your back Emmett. At least let me hop around for a bit." he rolled his eyes and set her down. They both turned back to the front and saw me.

"Hey Edward." Bella waved, using Emmett's arm to hop over to me. I smiled and met her half ways.

"Hey Bella, Emmett. What happen to you?" I looked down and found her left foot naked with out a shoe and a little bruised. Emmett had been right, she did bruise easily. I knew no one ever got dark spots over a sprain.

"Bella tripped walking up the escalators." Emmett said, rolling his eyes. Bella rolled her eyes to and shrugged at me.

"Accident. Now Emmett's being all over protective. So what are you doing here?" she asked.

"We were dragged out here by Rose. You? Where's Alice?"

"Aly's out on a date. Wish she'd dump the guy…anyways. Bella dragged me out here to bring her shopping." I could see Emmett's dislike to Alice's boyfriend. Jasper was not going to be happy about that."

Sounds fun." I teased. Emmett cracked a smile and shook his head.

"Not when Alice is around. At least with Bella she doesn't go around jumping people for what she wants."

"No, I have to hop." she joked, going to a rack to the side. It was filled with suits and tux's.

"Edward. What's your jean size again?" Rose walked to stand behind me, oblivious of Emmett and Bella.

"32. Emmett Bella this is Rose, Jasper's twin sister. Rose this is Emmett and his sister Bella." Rose turned and I saw her eyes dilate. I knew that look anywhere. She was attracted to Emmett.

"Nice to meet you. Do you guys go to UCSD?" she asked mostly Emmett, but glanced back at Bella. She noticed the look too, smiling brightly but rolling her eyes. It seemed like she had an inside joke as she giggled quietly.

"Yeah. It's going to be Bella's first year and my last. Alice is a 3rd year." Rose nodded. Bella and I looked at each other. I smiled and nodded at her towards seats they had by the dressing room. She nodded. Bella grabbed 3 different suites, a few jeans and shirts. She put them in Emmett's hands and took the bags.

"Go try on." he rolled his eyes but turned towards the dressing room. I helped Bella hop to the seats. We sat down, even Rose sat. Jasper was I don't know where, but honestly I was sure he was trying to pick some chick up. Emmett came out the dressing room in a gray tux with a black thin tie.

"Bella, I feel like a dam monkey in this." He said, struggling with the tie.

"No. you look good Em. Try the black one next." he sighed and went back in. Slowly, Bella and I disappeared, sneaking out when Rose nor Emmett noticed. I carried her out and we settled on the food court.

"How come your foot has bruises?" I asked, looking down at the pale skin sporting purple spots. When I looked back at Bella's eyes, I saw a sad look in her eyes. She seemed to be in guilty pain.

"Sensitive skin." she said, shrugging it off. I nodded and let it go, knowing it was a sore subject.

"If you don't mind me asking…why does it look like your brother doesn't like Alice's boyfriend." Bella frowned and rolled her eyes. Not at me, but at the question.

"Alice's boyfriend is a dimwit. His a twit, an idiot, a condescending jerk." I smirked at the word, since I'd used it this morning.

"So you don't like him either?"

"Hell no. I'd shove my $600 Jimmy Choos up his ass if it wasn't because Alice would get mad at me." I laughed at her fury. It was cute the way her nose flared.

"Feisty. I like it." She smiled lightly but it quickly fell into a sad smile.

"Alice doesn't see that James isn't good for her. She can't see that his playing with her. She's getting cheated on and she won't believe any one of us."

"How come?"

"James is good at what he does. He's good at lying. Once he tells Alice something, there's no way to convince her otherwise."

"So why doesn't Emmett forbid her from seeing him. Well I mean…I know she's older and everything…"

"I know what you mean. We tried about 5 months after they started going out. But Alice just sneaked around with him. We got in a lot of fights because of James. At the end, we just gave in. Now we just try to deal and not kill James. One day Alice is going to see through his shit and then there won't be a lie for James to hide behind."

"So are you hungry?" I asked. Bella's face scrunched up with disgust. As if the though of food made her stomach twist in repulse.

"No thank you. I had a big breakfast." it seriously didn't seem like she ate at all. She was way to thin, almost unhealthy looking. But that was none of my business.

"So. How about we go leave this in your car and I help you shop some more."

"Sure." we walked out to the south parking lot and found the black racing mustang. I had no idea this car was hers.

"This…is yours?" I asked.

"Yup. It was a graduation present. I use to have a small little 2005 Honda as my first car. My parents are a little more then well off. But it's sort of a rule that the first car we get isn't a new car. Emmett's first car was a Mazda, Alice's was a small old jeep. But we once we showed them we were responsible drivers, they got us new cars. So for Emmett's graduation, he got an Austin Martin. He traded that in recently for the jeep. Alice got a Porsche for her graduation. She's had it since. And I got this baby. Her names Clair." I laughed at how cute it sounded, knowing she'd named her car.

"She's a beauty."

"She's fast too." we set the bags inside and I gave Bella a piggy back ride back towards the mall.

"I'm not helpless." she muttered.

"No. but I think your brother would appreciate you being off your leg." I could have sworn I felt her roll her eyes.


	4. Your Boyfriend Sucks

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 4**

**Your Boyfriend Sucks**

"Hey Bella, que ases?" I smiled as I looked up at Edward. On Saturday when we'd ran into each other at the mall and we'd ran away from Emmett and Rose, we'd talked and shared a few things about each other. One of those things was that I spent 4 years speaking Spanish. Coincidentally, so did he. **(BTW: Que Ases?=What are you doing)**

"Nada. What are you doing?" I was sitting outside in the front lawn over a blue blanket. I laid on my stomach with a book in my hand. Edward laid next to me, looking at me reading. **(BTW: Nada=Nothing)**

"Nothing. Just noticed you here all alone. Where's Emmett and Alice?"

"Alice is out with James again. Emmett's hanging out with Rose." he nodded.

"Tell me something I don't know." he said. I closed my book and turned to my back. My eyes closed instantly to shield away from the bright sky, but it felt nice to feel the sun on my face.

"Mmm, I can play the drums."

"Seriously?" he asked. I couldn't help the proud smile that spread on my lips.

"Yeah. I've been playing since I was 5. When I lost my parents, I grew up with this sort of anger inside of me. My shrink said that he wanted me to use all my anger into something more productive. So he handed me drum sticks and just said to take it away. I've been playing since."

"You mind showing me?" he asked. I shook my head and pushed myself off the ground. Edward picked up my book and blanket, following me inside the house. We went past the hall and my bedroom to the room next to mine. My drum set was there, black and beautiful. I sat behind the set and took the purple drum sticks.

"Any requests?" I asked. He laughed and shook his head.

"Anything is fine." I nodded and though for a second. I played _Second Chance_ by_ ShineDown_. Through all the years, my anger had slowly just faded away. So now I just played for the fun of it. I stopped mid song and formed it into _Playing God _by_ Paramore_.

"Amazing. Your seriously good."

"Thanks." I set my drum sticks to the side and walked out the room. We sat in the living room, both of us quiet, but not in an awkward way.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked. He sat next to me and he was so close that I could feel his hand touching mine. Our fingers were brushing against each other, teasing.

"Why do you always seem so sad?" his voice was a whisper, afraid of putting his foot in his mouth. I took a deep breath and looked at the wall.

"There's so much pain inside of me Edward. I've done some shity things in the past year. I moved here to get away. Emmett, Alice, and I will tell everyone else that I moved here for school, but it's bullshit. We moved here to get away. To leave Forks. I couldn't breath there anymore. I hit rock bottom. Edward…I'm going to give you a little heads up…don't get attached to me. I'm not worth it." I closed my eyes, feeling my tears falling. I felt Edward shift and the next second I was pressed down on the couch, Edward hovering over me. His green eyes drowned into mine, speaking to me silent words that I couldn't comprehend.

"Don't you think that's up to me to decided if your worth it or not?" he asked.

"I'm screwed up Edward. If you knew the shit I've done…you'd turn and never look back."

"I highly doubt that Bella. Look, something about you attracts me in. It's not just your beauty. But you attract me. So don't push me away. I have a feeling this could go somewhere and I don't just give in easily." I took a deep breath. How could I deny that. I could feel the attraction he felt, and I wanted to get to know him.

"You've been warned Edward." he laughed and kissed my cheek. The small feather like kiss felt like small flames on my cheek. It felt really nice.

For the rest of the day, we just sat and watched movies in the home theater. Somewhere near 7pm, I heard a car pull up. Edward and I instantly let go of our hold on each other. It wasn't that we were ashamed, we just wanted to see where this was going before anyone found out we were trying to date. We walked out to the front and found Alice and James here. I groaned and went back inside.

"That's James?" Edward asked, following me. We sat in the couch and I turned the TV on.

"Yup. Things might get dirty right now. So I apologize for my…bitchiness." He just laughed instead of saying anything.

"I though she was dead?" James spat, his blue eyes glaring at me. I glared back at him, rolling my eyes.

"James. Don't speak like that." Alice said it half heartedly, like she barley cared at all. It really pissed me off.

"Don't worry princess. I'm only here to make your life a living hell." I spat back at him. He hissed at me, and I saw the way his knuckles turned white.

"I could simply finish the job you didn't finish back then. I could slice a knife down your throat." I felt my own knuckles tightened and tears threatening to fall. I glared at him with so much anger that I just wanted to kill him with my eyes.

"Alice, you mind taking your scum bag to the dog house. I rather not have him stinking up my house with his shity scent."

"Don't be like that Bella." Alice pleaded.

"No Alice. I won't be like that. But it's totally okay for James to threatened my life. Just get him out of my face before Emmett get's here. You know he'll fucken cut his nuts off. Not that it would matter, considering his nuts are small and Em would have a hard time finding them." a couldn't help the small smirk that spread on my lips. I even heard Edward sneaker next to me.

"You say that now but you weren't saying that the other night when you were sucking on my dick." I laughed darkly and pulled my heel off, thrusting it at his nuts. He was able to dodge it, but I could see he didn't like that.

"Not even in your dreams James." I heard Emmet's jeep pulling up next. Alice took that as her cue to drag James up the stairs to her room. I shrieked a little, feeling so frustrated. Times like this were when I'd drown myself in alcohol.

"Relax Bella. He was only trying to fire you up." I felt Edward's hand running over my knuckles, trying to sooth my anger. Surprisingly, it was working.

"Well…he just get's me so angry." he nodded and placed a soft kiss on my temple. The front door opened and Emmett came in with Rose.

"Hey Bella. Edward what a surprise. Wait…who are you trying to kill Bells?" I looked at him and narrowed my eyes at the wall upstairs.

"James is here." I saw him narrow his eyes too. He felt just as angry about that as I did.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing…doesn't matter. How about I make dinner?" he smiled and nodded.

"Edward, Rose…would you guys like to stay? You can call Jasper too." Emmett offered.

"Sure. Sounds like fun. I'll help Bella. Rose you call your brother." I felt Edward following me into the kitchen.

"So what are we making?" Edward asked, washing his hands after me.

"We are making onion ring covered chicken. With a salad."

True to his word, Edward helped me make dinner. He was pretty good around the house, and when I'd called him out on it, he'd let me known that he did all the cooking at their place. Though both Emmett and Alice knew how to cook a few things, I took care most of our meals.

"Something smells good Bells. Is dinner ready?" I heard Alice say as she walked down the stairs.

"Yup. I just need to set up the table. Emmett you mind?" he stood off the couch and helped Edward set the table.

"Need help Bella?" Jasper asked. I nodded and saw him pick a few things too. Once everything was set, we sat around the table. Edward sat to my right, Jasper sat at my other side. Rose sat between Emmett and Jasper, with Alice to Emmett's other side and James between Alice and Edward. I felt sick sitting so close to James. I strongly hated him.

"I don't remember asking James to stay over for dinner." Emmett muttered, glaring at him. James glared back at him and I knew this was going to head down the wrong road all to soon.

"Can we please not start this again. Can we just have a nice dinner. Bella this all looks really good." Alice had always tried to play peace maker between James, Emmett, and I. but it usually failed miserably.

We all just ate, Emmett and Rose told us about what they'd done today. Soon after, Emmett asked what I did. I just told him Edward and I watched a few movies and I played the drums for him. Jasper said he was out shopping for a few last minutes school things. Just as Alice was about to share her day, James just had to and open his fucken mouth.

"Bella, your chicken is dried. Didn't Esme ever teach you how to cook?" I couldn't help it as I stabbed my fork into the chicken. I glared at it and wished it was James neck, or his dick…either was good.

"His crazy Bella. Your chicken is mouthwatering." Jasper was sweet enough to say. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks Jasper."

"Yeah B. your cooking is always the best." Emmett gloated. I rolled my eyes at him but whispered a thanks to him.

"They just don't want to hurt you feelings Bella. They feel like you might go and try and kill yourself again." I pushed myself off the table and stormed out the kitchen. But not before I pushed on James shoulders, making him fall to the ground with a loud bang. I knew he'd feel it in the morning. I slammed my bedroom door closed, locking it. I hadn't wanted them to find out, not any time soon. I needed to trust Rose, Jasper, and Edward. But now they knew. At least part of the shit I'd done. Now, he'd either understand or he'd run away. That hurt a lot.


	5. Secrets

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 5**

**Secrets**

**EPOV**

"That's it Alice. I can't take it anymore. I want him out of my house. Keep him far away from here. You can fuck him all you want, but he doesn't step one foot into this house. If he does…I swear to god I will fucken chock him to death." Emmett yelled at his younger sister with so much anger that it almost seemed like he was angry at her. But you could see his anger was directed at James. I was still stunned by what James had said, and the look on Bella's face had said that it was true. Alice took a deep breath and whipped the tears from her face.

"He didn't mean it like that." Alice still defended him, even after seeing Bella breaking.

"GET him out NOW." He pronounced each word as if each word held a threat. Alice stood off the her seat and left with James. But he didn't leave with out throwing a smirk at Emmett. I wanted to stand up and slam my fist into his face, whip that smirk off.

"Emmett…calm down. Your going to give yourself a heart attack at such a young age." Rose whispered to him, standing next to him and a hand on his shoulder. I watched Emmett taking deep breaths, trying to calm his anger.

"Sorry…you all had to see that…and hear it." he whispered.

"So…it's true?" Rose asked. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes, not looking at anyone.

"It's worse then that. Yes it's true, but things are so much worse then that. I can't tell you what happened, only she can. Once she's ready to actually talk about it at least. Even Alice and I don't know the full story." I stood up and ran my hand through my hair.

"You mind if I check on Bella?" I asked. He nodded and shuffled for something in his pocket. He threw me his keys and I caught them.

"It's the pink one. Use it, she won't open it…and I'm afraid of what she'll do if she's alone." I nodded and left down the hall. I slipped the key into the knob, slowly unlocking the door. When I stepped inside, I found Bella sitting on her bed. She sat and looked down at her hands, tears falling down her eyes.

"Hey." I sat next to her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to my lap.

"What are you doing here?" she crocked out.

"Making sure your okay."

"I though…James had scared you off." I understood why Bella would be hesitant about telling me, but I felt like anything that she'd done, no matter how bad, I could understand her.

"Bella…I'm serious about this. I won't disappoint you. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"I can't…tell you everything yet. But I can tell you how it started." I nodded. We sat against the headboard, still sitting on my lap.

"Emmett and Alice were in New York, going to college. Mom and dad were the only ones around me. I got picked on a lot because I was adopted. To everyone, I was just baggage to my parents. When my birth parents didn't want me, my adopted parents took me in. Emmett and Alice had always been there to defend me, to tell everyone to fuck off. But…things just started to get really bad. I didn't really have friends, I never really tried to fit in. James best friend Laurent was always around me. He was just as worse as James. Subconsciously, I knew I was pretty, that I was smart, and that I could do anything with my life. But it was stuck in my head every time that I was shit. That I wasn't worth it. I started to believe it slowly. I remember on the 2nd week of school, this girl Lauren walked right up to me and grabbed a chunk of my hair. Before I could even stop her, she just cut the chunk off and threw it at me. I started to cry and I ran out of there. That's the first time that I got hold of alcohol. I paid off some old guy outside to buy me vodka. I took it home and locked myself in my room. I got wasted for the first time, so wasted that I was close to getting alcohol poising. My parents never found out. They though it was just me being a teenager. The next day I evened out my hair, cutting off the other side. I tried avoiding everyone, but it was always hard." she took a deep breath and finally stopped. I held her close to me, kissing her forehead.

"That was the first time I became addicted to alcohol." so I knew that one of her problems was alcohol.

"How are you doing now?"

"I quit just recently. The last time I was in the hospital…It wasn't because of alcohol, but I'd promised Emmett and Alice that I would stop. 2 days ago, the crave came back full force and I went to get some. A bum bought me vodka. I drove around for a long time, not going anywhere in particular. But then I found myself pulling up into my house. I didn't understand why I was there, and why I hadn't drank it. But I started feeling guilty and I just…I gave Alice and Emmett the bottle. Alice had been furious, but they both understood that it would be hard. It would take me sometime before I could…be myself again."

"I wanna help you Bella. Whenever you need anything, or feel the need to drink…just come to me."

"okay." I rubbed my hands up and down her arm, placing a soft kiss on her temple.

"How do you feel right now?" I whispered. I felt her taking a deep breath against my chest, her arms tight around my waist.

"Like shit. I just, I want to sleep right now."

"Then sleep Bella. Classes start tomorrow anyways. You'll need all the rest you can get." we got comfortable in her bed, still hugging but now laying down. Bella laid her head on my chest, her arms still around me.

"Thanks Edward. For everything."

"Don't worry about it Bella. What time's your first class?"

"9:45."

"Wanna ride with me?" she looked up at me, her swollen red eyes brightening up. I could see her slowly getting her happiness back.

"That would be great Edward."

I stayed with her until she fell asleep. Once her breathing changed and I knew she was sleeping, I shifted her to lay under the covers. I quietly left out her room and found Rose and Emmett sitting in the living room.

"….I walked into the bathroom and I found her just, laying there. Her body was cold. She was bleeding from her wrists, completely knocked out. I though she was gone. I held her in my arms and I cried. I'd left for college and let my little sister deal with her life on her own. Rose, so much had happened. Bella won't talk to us. She won't tell me how everything had started. But she has an eating disorder, she's addicted to alcohol, and sometimes when things get too much she tends to cut her wrists. The doctor warned us that if she lost anymore blood, her life could be in serious danger." This was what was wrong with her, but I wanted to wait to hear it from Bella. Now I'd just have to pretend like I never knew, and wait for her to tell me. Sure this were serious problems she had, but they didn't scare me away. It only made me want to help her even more. I wanted to make her smile, really smile, not that fake smile that she gives to everyone else.

"So that's why you guys moved here?"

"Yeah. Mom and dad were worried of letting her leave from their side, afraid she'd go back. But we asked dad to pay off the Dean's to transfer us schools. Alice and I decided on moving here, and we brought Bella with us. James…he has no life so he tags along where ever Alice goes. It's pretty pathetic."

"Your strong Emmett. I can see you really care for her."

"She got picked on a lot as a kid, because the whole town knew who her real birth parents were. Charlie and Rene were a young couple and didn't want a kid. So they put her up for adoption. Alice and I were both toddlers at the time when my parents just fell in love with her. We accepted her as our sister instantly, with no problem at all. But I knew that it affected Bella that her birth parents just gave her up. I just never knew exactly how much. Bella has always been spoiled with love. My parents would sometimes make it known she was the favorite. Alice and I didn't mind at all, because Bella was just to sweet to be angry at. But somehow, that wasn't enough for her."

"I don't know Emmett. I don't think it has anything to do with you or Alice. I think their's more to it then she's leading on." I felt the same way. Her story about how she'd started to drink had been about how she got picked on, but something told me things got worse from there.

I backed up into the hallway and made it known that I was coming.

"Emmett, she's okay. She's sleeping right now though, and she seems calm." I told him, handing him his keys.

"Thanks Edward. And sorry about tonight. James just knows how to push my buttons."

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to smash my fist into his face too." he cracked a smile and nodded. I looked at Rose, silently asking her if she was ready to go. She smiled and nodded, walking over to me.

"It's getting late. And we all have classes tomorrow." I told him. He nodded, walking us out the door.

"Bye Emmett. Oh, um….I asked your sister to ride with me tomorrow." his eyes narrowed at me but I just gave him an innocent smile. He took a deep breath and nodded, letting it go. I left Rose to say goodbye to him. Instead I crossed over to my house and went inside. Jasper was inside playing video games.

"Hey? How's Bella?"

"Good. Sleeping right now, and more calm."

"Edward….do you really want to get involved with her?" I saw him put pause on the game and he turned to look at me, with this sort of worried look on his face.

"What do you mean?" I asked him confused.

"I mean that…It's obvious she's having problems. And James said that she'd tried to kill herself….I just don't want her to affect you in anyway." I didn't like where this conversation was going. It frustrated me that Jasper would even speak like that. Besides the fact that he had no right telling me who I could date and couldn't, I didn't like him judging Bella so easily.

"We both know that their's more to it then what James said. I'm not going to stop talking to Bella because your afraid I'll go and kill myself. I'm not going to hurt myself Jasper. I'm going to help Bella get better." he gave me a sad smile and nodded.

"Sorry I said that Ed, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me Jasper. I'll be just fine." so maybe I left a little angry at him. I went into my room and slammed the door closed. I was annoyed with him, because in some way, he disrespected Bella. He just didn't know the full story. Well I didn't either, but I didn't care. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be the one to make her better, and it scared me, but I was ready for it.


	6. Rehab

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 6**

**Rehab**

I woke up early at 8 and got ready for classes. Emmett and Alice had left already for classes, since they both had one at 7. When I went downstairs, I found breakfast ready for me. I stood in the kitchen, eyeing it all and felt sick to my stomach. I usually was able to eat something small for breakfast, but today I just felt like I might puke it all up. I knew I'd get shit later if Alice and Emmett found out, but I couldn't eat. Even if I tried shoving food down my throat, it would only come right back up. So I did what I usually use to do. I scrambled everything, making it look like I actually ate some thing. The rest I threw it in the garbage and put everything in the sink.

I heard the door bell ring and turned to see Edward peeking through the side window. I waved at him and motioned for him to wait a minute. I finished getting rid of the evidence that I hadn't ate and left out the kitchen. I grabbed my bag from the door and locked up the house.

"Hey." Edward gave me a warm hug, making everything inside of me all fussy and tingly.

"Hey." his fingers intertwined with mine, pulling me towards his car. We hadn't really established what we were, but holding hands with him seemed natural to me. Edward held my hand while he drove, his thumb creasing the inside of my palm.

"How do you feel today?" he asked.

"Okay. A little nervous for school." he nodded and gave me a side way's look, inspecting that I was really okay. I giggled and rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm fine Edward. Everything is fine." he smiled back at me and nodded, looking back at the road.

"Well anyways, I have class right now at 9:45, and another at 12 right after that one."

"I have one at 12:55"

"My last class for today is at 3."

"My last class is at 2."

"So then what time will you be out?"

"4:45. It's a one day a week class, so it's going to be two hours."

"Mine ends at 5. So how about you wait for me and we can head back after."

"Sure." we walked down the halls holding hands. It felt nice.

"So where's your class?" He asked me. I pulled my hand from his, long enough to search through my bag. I found my schedule in my notebook. I pulled it out and saw I had English Creative Writing 32.

"It's in the CAB building. Room 755."

"Wait…what class?" he asked.

"Creative Writing." he laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Mine to Bella." I smiled at him, getting lost into his green eyes.

"That makes me feel slightly better." I admitted. He laughed and kissed my forehead.

"I went to see my counselor and said I was missing a humanity's class and decided on taking this one since it sounded easy."

"I'm taking it because I'm thinking of making writing as my career."

"Really?" he asked. I just nodded in response. Edward guided me towards the Cab building. When we found the classroom, we both sat together in the back. We held hands under the desk, our hands resting on my lap. His fingers would play with mine, his thumb rubbing circles on my palm. I would usually blush and roll my eyes at him, but it was a turn on too.

When class started, the teacher still hadn't showed up. Edward and I were whispering to each other about going to the beach this weekend when I saw someone pull up a chair next to Edward. We both turned to look at her. She had bleach blond hair with blue eyes. She was pretty, if she wasn't wearing clothes a size too tight.

"Eddie, what a coincidence your in this class too." her voice was high pitched and very annoying. I sustained the urge to laugh at her.

"Jessica. Yeah, coincidence. I didn't take you for a creative writing student." I could hear the insult in that and giggled softly, causing Edward to smile at me.

"Well you know…just trying to be more intelligent." I laughed. I couldn't handle it anymore. The blond Jessica turned and glared her eyes at me.

"Sorry…sorry." I said through my laughter, holding up my hands in peace. She didn't stop glaring at me anyways.

"Who are you anyways?" she snapped. I gave her a smirk and shrugged, looking at Edward. His eyes were laughing with amusement. He leaned over and kissed the corner of my lips. I sighed, melting to his kisses.

"This is Bella. She's my new neighbor." he said, his hand sneaking to my lap and holding mine.

"Yeah well…does she have to sit with us?" she snapped.

"Actually, do you have to sit with us? Edward and I were enjoying the silence." she opened her mouth to tell me something, but when she couldn't come up with anything, she closed her mouth. She huffed and turned back to the front of the class, crossing her arms. I just smirked and leaned on my own chair.

"Green looks sexy on you." he smirked. I rolled my eyes and shrugged, giving him a smirk.

"Thank you." I joked. The teacher came in soon. He introduced himself and gave out his syllabus, telling us his office hours, and so on. Once that was done, we gave us our first assignment. We were to right a 250 word story about ourselves. We had to describe our personalities thoroughly and make it seem real. The twist was that we couldn't be human. That confused the hell out of me. He explained that we could be an animal, or an object, but we couldn't be human. The story was due next class, which was on Wednesday.

Once we were excused, it was already 11:50. Edward told me where my next class would be before he left. And before he left, he kissed my cheek again. I was staring to wonder if I didn't attract him because he never kissed my lips.

I sighed and went to the library to wait for the next hour before my class started.

I sat in an empty table, pulling out my notebook to get working on my story. I might as well work on something.

_I always watched how the others around me seemed to believe that they were a gift from god to the world. Every time my waves crashed into land, I would see so many of those humans having the time of their lives. But I was an outsider. I could only watch instead of join in. My waters traveled all around the world. I could be in many places at once. In most beaches, I'd find superficial teenagers, but in the darkest and dirtiest waters, I'd find struggling families._

My eyesight blurred and I felt my hand shaking violently. I closed my fist and slipped my hand under the table, not wanting anyone to see anything. I leaned my head on the table and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I knew this would happen because I hadn't ate, but…I still couldn't find it in me to eat.

I picked up my things and decided on getting fresh air. I took slow steps, knowing that one wrong move and I'd faint. I headed for my next class, since I only had 20 minutes left.

I was lucky enough that my other classes went by quickly and with out assignments. I just sat there and heard the professors giving out their rules and talking about themselves. By the time it was 5, I was ready to go home.

I felt like shit as I leaned on Edward's car, waiting for him to get here. My head was hurting and my whole body felt weak.

"Hey Bella. Ready?" I looked up and saw Edward walking over to me. I took a deep breath in and decided that I didn't want him to tell the others. So I put up a smile on my face and sucked up all the pain for later.

"Hey." we slipped into his car and he pulled out the parking lot.

"So how was classes?" he asked.

"Fine. Boring, but it's the first day of classes. You?"

"Same. Though I do have homework due next class." I blinked a few times, feeling my eye sight blurring again. My breathing turned ragged and I tried to slow down my heart or I'd pass out. Emmett and Alice were going to kill me.

"So I was thinking we could go out to eat?" he said. I took in a deep breath and looked at me with a fake smile.

"I would, but I promised Emmett and Alice I'd make dinner tonight." it was a bullshit lie. Alice was going out to dinner with James and Emmett said he had things to do. So I had the house all to myself. I just hoped that Edward didn't know that.

"Oh okay. So how about tomorrow?" he asked. I smiled and nodded, silently hoping that my appetite would return by tomorrow. Edward pulled up into my driveway. I leaned over and kissed his cheek before getting out the car. I felt lightheaded and really exhausted. As I neared the front door, there was this horrible feeling that the breath had been kicked out of me.

EPOV

I was just about to pull out of Bella's driveway when I watched her fall. I ran out the car and picked her up, seeing her passed out.

"Bella." I shook her lightly but got no answer. I knew something was up, I knew that she had been faking the whole time, but I hadn't been so sure.

"Bella." with no response, I decided on taking her to the doctor. I set her in the passenger seat and headed for the doctor. I didn't have Alice or Emmett's number, so I couldn't really think of a way to get a hold of them. So I called Rose to see if she had Emmett's number.

"Hey Edward. I'm sort of busy. Can I call you later."

"Rose…do you have Emmett's number."

"No. but his right here with me. Why?"

"Tell him that Bella passed out and I'm heading to the hospital."

"Okay. We'll meet you there." I glanced at Bella and saw her nose bleeding. I wasn't sure if it was because of her bulimia or if she'd hit her nose when she'd fell.

I pulled up into the emergency parking and carried Bella out. A nurse quickly ran to me, pushing a wheelchair.

"What happen to her?"

"I don't. she just passed out."

"Okay. Well we'll take it from here." she took her away into a private room and all I could really do was wait here.

Emmett and Rose came in 10 minutes later, Alice got here 5 after them. They hovered over me, trying to get questions out, but I didn't even know what to tell them because I had no idea what had happened.

"I don't understand. Did you see her do something? Anything out of the ordinary?" Alice asked.

"No. We had first class together but after our other classes, she seemed really exhausted and weak. I didn't want to hover so I left her alone." they huffed in frustration and just stayed quiet.

The doctor came out about an hour after having Bella inside.

"Are you all family of my patient?" the doctor asked.

"I'm her older brother, this is our sister." Emmett said.

"Would you like to talk in private?" the doctor asked. Emmett turned to look at us, and somehow he saw that I really needed to know what was going on. So he shook his head to the doctor.

"Very well. I noticed that the patient has an eating disorder."

"Bella…and yeah she does." Alice whispered to him.

"Well after checking to see what had happened, it was the lack of food."

"What do you mean? she's been eating as much as she can this past few days. And lately it's been more then she usually eats."

"Yes, but when she woke up…we asked her what she'd ate today and she hadn't had any food in her system at all. No water, no vitamin C, nothing that could keep her going today."

"She promised. God, she said she would take care of herself." Alice looked really angry, but Emmett just seemed worried. I felt guilty for not noticing before.

"Is she okay?"

"Yes. But you need to understand that if she keeps doing this to herself there could be serious damages. I highly recommend she goes into rehab."

"She won't want to." Alice muttered, running her hand through her hair.

"There is another option. I can sign her off into rehab against her will."

"And she can't do anything about?" Alice asked.

"No." Emmett didn't like that idea, and neither did I. But for Alice, it almost seemed like the only answer.

"Emmett, there's no other choice. She keeps hurting herself. You know how dangerous this all can be to her."

"I'm not about to take her will Alice. At least let's hear her out." Alice grumbled but nodded.

"Can we see her now?" he asked. The doctor nodded and showed us to her room. Bella was sitting against the bed with an IV in her arm. Her skin looked a shade paler then usual and she had dark circles under her eyes. Alice leaned against the wall, far away from Bella. Emmett on the other hand sat next to her. Rose, Jasper, and I decided on giving her some space and just leaned on the wall but stayed close to her.

"Why?" Emmett asked her. Bella looked at her fingers and shrugged. I could see the tears falling down her eyes.

"It's harder then you think Emmett. This isn't just a physical thing for me."

"You promised me you'd try Bella. How can you just go and do that." Alice yelled.

"What the hell do you want me to do Alice? Shove food down my mouth. You don't get it. I can't control this. I feel disgusted at the sight and smell of food. I feel like I'm going to fucken hurl every time I'm near food. I am trying. But I…couldn't today. I just…I stood there and I looked at all the food. I felt like I was going to puke just watching it there. I couldn't so I threw it away."

"Weren't you hungry? At all?" Emmett asked.

"I'm never hungry Emmett. It's not something I can control. Maybe I am, but I don't feel it. I never know when I should eat. All I feel is the need to have control of my own body. And…it sucks because not eating, and wanting to vomit, it takes the control from me." Emmett kissed her forehead and brushed her hair. I could see he was struggling with this.

"Bella…I know you just started school. But mom and dad said that they could get the Dean to accept you for next semester."

"I'm not going back to Forks." she said it so quick that I could see the fear in her voice.

"No. that's not why I want you to take a break. I want you to go into rehab." Bella's face switched from annoyed to guilty. I could see her struggling with herself to find an answer, but I could also see she didn't want to.

"Does mom and dad know?"

"Yeah. Their on there way here. Mom and dad decided on staying here for a week, they just want to make sure your okay." her tears fell again and she fell back on her bed. She looked away from Emmett and stared out the window.

"Okay." she whispered.

"Thank you Bella." he leaned over to kiss her forehead but Bella shrugged out of him. Emmett seemed hurt by it, but he didn't force himself.

"It's for the best Bella." he whispered. Everyone followed him and left. I stayed though. I sat where Emmett had been sitting at a second ago. Bella slowly turned and looked at me with confusion. I couldn't help it anymore. I've been craving to kiss her for the past few days. I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. I felt her sigh against my lips and slowly respond. Our lips moved synchronized together. My hand trailed to cup her cheek, her hands slipped into my hair, pulling me closer to her mouth. I pulled away, leaning my forehead against hers.

"Give your brother a break Bella. He really does care for you."

"I know. I just, I hate not having control." I nodded. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Wanna know how I started with my eating disorder?" she asked. I laid down next to her and pulled her to my side. We got comfortable and Bella took that as a yes.


	7. Past

**Fighting Against Self**

**Chapter 7**

**The Truth Comes Out**

"I was pretty well in shape. I exercised and I was naturally thin. Before Emmett and Alice had left, I knew I was pretty and I had a shaped body too. But once they left…I started forgetting everything and my self-esteem lowered. A few months after my drinking habit started, Laurent just came and sat next to me. I was eating some french-fries and he started making fun of me. He said I was fat and ugly. It's funny how much power he had over me."

"So you turned bulimic?" Edward asked me. I nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"I started throwing up every time I ate something. It became so regular that it was unnatural for me not to. Even when Emmett and Alice came over to visit, I'd find a way to throw up with out them knowing."

"What about your parents?"

"I hid everything from them. They had no idea of the shit I was getting myself into." he nodded and kissed my lips lightly. I was really staring to like Edward.

"Tell me everything Bella. I can handle it. And you need to let it off your chest." he was right. I hadn't told anyone about everything, because I felt like no one was ready to hear it. But Edward understood me, he didn't judge me.

"Edward…things get worse form here."

"It's okay Bella. You won't make me run away." I took a deep breath and remembered my ugliest moments.

"After becoming addicted to alcohol and my eating disorder…things just got horrible for me. I felt like shit every day, like my life was pointless. I'd stand at the edge of a cliff, thinking that I could just jump and no one would miss me. I felt like my life wouldn't matter to my parents, that one less responsibility would be good for them."

"But you never jumped."

"No. I didn't. I wasn't suicidal yet, I was still scared of ending my life." he nodded. "Edward…there's a reason why I hate James. A reason that no one knows." I felt tears falling, remembering my pathetic life.

"It's okay. Tell me."

"James stayed for a month back at Forks, instead of following Alice back to New York after she'd left back from visiting. He was friends with Laurent, so they'd hang out together. James wouldn't pick on me when Lauren would, but he wouldn't tell him to stop either. One night, I went over to this guy Mike's house. He was having a party and I knew that there would be alcohol there. So I went and I started to get drunk. I don't remember much about anything that happened that night, all I know is that when I woke up…I was laying next to James, naked." I saw the shocked look on Edward's face. He didn't look revolted or ashamed, but he looked surprised.

"I felt sick. Because he was my sister's boyfriend. James just laughed and said I was good for one night. I mean it wasn't like I was expecting him to dump my sister and ask me to be his girlfriend, because I didn't want that…but I wanted an explanation. James just ignored me and said that I was the one to seduce him. That could easily be true, since I don't remember anything that happened that night. But he was also a big liar and I didn't know what to believe. I warned James that he had to stay quiet about what happened, and he obviously knew that he had to. I might have seduced him, but Alice wouldn't have forgiven him. So he didn't say anything."

"So Alice still doesn't know?"

"No. She doesn't. I don't have the guts to tell her that her little sister got drunk and had sex with her boyfriend."

"It's okay…I understand." he whispered.

"I…got sick a few months after that. I was suspicious on what it was and I had a feeling I knew, but I didn't want it to be true." he nodded, knowing where I was going with this.

"I went to Seattle and went into a clinic. I used the wrong name and paid in cash, because my dad's a doctor and he'd find out quickly what was going on."

"he would have found out." He whispered.

"Yeah." I took another deep breath, feeling my sobs trying to escape. No one, no person knew this. It had been my darkest secret of them all. Worse then cutting my wrists and wishing for death. It was worse then the time I stole alcohol because of the crave, or even having sex with James. Nothing could compare to my secret.

"The doctor said I was pregnant."

"With James's kid?" he asked.

"Yeah. He was the only and first person I ever had sex with, regardless on if I remembered or not." he nodded and waited for me to finish.

"I asked the doctor about abortion. I'm going to hell for this…but I didn't want it. I want kids, yes, someday. But I didn't want the fetus that James had put inside of me." he nodded, no judgment in his eyes at all.

"The doctor said that there was no point."

"Was it too late?" he asked.

"No…well sort of. The doctor said that the reason why I was feeling all the pain, the horrible bleedings, it was because I had a miscarriage." his eyes grew wide and he seemed shocked.

"You lost it." he asked.

"Yeah. And it was my fault."

"How?"

"My eating disorder and drinking habit had killed it." we were quiet for a few minutes. Neither one of us saying anything. But I could see he had questions.

"what…did you do after?" he asked.

"I went home and pretended like nothing had happened. The doctor had…removed…it from me. He even asked if I wanted to keep the ashes." my tears fell faster and thicker, my sobs slowly began to escape.

"I didn't keep the ashes, but…I paid to have them sent into a cemetery. He or she doesn't have name, just a last name and date of death. I might have not wanted it, but I felt guilty for killing it. It was the only thing I could do."

"I understand Bella. You don't have to explain it to me."

"I just…I feel horrible, like a monster. Edward, I was thinking of abortion, of killing him. But at the end, I had."

"Things happen for a reason Bella."

"what a shitty reason that was."

"Does James know?"

"He knows. And he knows I'll open my mouth if he fucks up with my sister."

"Blackmail?" he smirked.

"Yeah." he held me for what seemed like forever, and I enjoyed it.

"What happened after Bella?"

"I went into depression. I felt guilty, I felt worthless, and I just…I gave up on my life. I drank more, I ate less, and I didn't care. My parents started noticing changes in my, physically and mentally. They worried. They called Emmett and Alice, telling them of what was going on. They came over right after finals and hovered. They asked me questions, trying to get answers out. But I never spoke, never told them one word."

"They never saw you…drinking?"

"No. I did most of my shit at night, while everyone was sleeping." he nodded.

"one day…it all just became too much. I could handle it anymore. I wanted to just…die. So I locked myself into my room and tried to do just that. At first…I though I could use the sleeping pills that my dad had proscribed for me, so I could sleep better. But that just seemed stupid. So I broke my razor and took out the blades. I remember sitting against the tub and running the blade over my wrists. It gave me this sort of new control that I never knew I could have. I could control how deep the wounds can be, how much blood to flow out. It was a wonderful feeling. Except…I did it too well."

"That was when Emmett found you?" I was shocked to hear him say this. I'd never told him that.

"How did you…"

"I heard Emmett telling Rose. I've known what happened. But I wanted to you to trust me enough to tell me."

"Thank you…and yes. That's when Emmett found me. I woke up the day after, my wrists bandaged and a tube done my throat. They were forcing me to eat. They asked questions, and I gave them answers, short answers. My parents were really scared and worried for me. Emmett was afraid for my life and Alice was really angry. I felt so bad. My parents tried to convince me into going to the university of Washington, to stay close to home. But I wanted out of Forks, out of Seattle, I wanted to leave all of this in the past. Emmett and Alice offered to move here with me. So…that's what we did."

"Bella, don't you think…you should tell them. Especially Alice."

"I can't do that to her Edward. She's crazy for James. I can't hurt her like that."

"But it's not your fault. James is the shit bag in all of this."

"No…I won't break her heart. She isn't going to hear it from me."

"Okay. I won't say anything either." he promised. I don't know why he would keep a secret for me, much less why he cared, but I was glad for it.

The door opened and we both looked to see Emmett coming in with a wheel chair. I felt bad for being angry at Emmett, but I felt almost betrayed.

"It's all set Bella. The doctor called the facility, your ready to be admitted." I glared at my hands and shrugged.

"Bella…it's going to be okay." Edward whispered into my ear, his cool breath blowing against my skin. It sent shivers down my spin.

"Okay." I whispered. He helped me sit up and then to sit on the wheel chair. I was still in my clothes so I was ready to go. Emmett was about to push me out when Edward offered instead.

"Heads up…mom is going to be here soon."

"I can't believe you told her." I whispered.

"We had no choice Bella. Your name was on the file and dad was going to see it. You know he would have went ballistic if he knew we hadn't told him."

"Fine." Edward pushed me out to his car. Alice was already in her car waiting for Emmett. Rose and Jasper were in Rose's car waiting for us. Edward helped me into his car and got in, driving away from the hospital.

"So where exactly am I going?" I asked. He smiled at me and held my hand.

"Don't worry Bella. It's going to be okay." I huffed and just gave in. There was no way I could get out of it anymore.

13 minutes later, yes I was watching the time, I was in front of a clinic looking building. I groaned in frustration, feeling almost like this was the end of the world. It felt like I was about to be put in prison.

Edward came over to my side and pulled me out the car, carrying me behind the others.

"Welcome to Sunny Side." an elderly women said, with the brightest fucked up smile ever. I could already tell I was going to hate this place.

"My name is Ginger and I'm the main counselor of this place." _striper name_ I yelled into my head. I almost laughed out loud from my sick and twisted mind.

"Hi Ginger. I'm Emmett, this is my sister Alice, our friends Rose, Jasper, and Emmett. And this is my other sister Bella. She's your patient here." I glared at him, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Nice to meet you Bella."

"Yeah." I muttered.

"Play nice Bella." Alice said to me. I just stuck my tongue out at her and looked away. Edward chuckled into my ear, placing a soft kiss on the hallow of my neck.

"Alright, now why don't I show you into your room." everyone followed after ginger, walking down the hall. She opened up a room. At least it didn't look like a hospital room. It actually looked like a hotel room. It wasn't so prison looking.

"See Bella. This is nice. You'll be okay here." Emmett promised. I sighed and shrugged. The only downside to this room was that big window to the hall. It looked like an experimenting window, where you could see into my room but you couldn't see out. Edward slowly set me down on the bed but sat next to me, holding my hand.

"So how long will she be here?" Rose asked.

"As long as she needs to stay here for. I'm not allowed to release her until her oldest brother decides to at least. The doctor signed her off under his watch." I didn't like the sounds of that. I wouldn't even get to decided when I was okay.

"What about visiting hours?" Edward asked.

"Only Emmett can decided who comes and goes, as for the hours, whenever. We don't have a schedule. Except every day at 4pm, when Bella is having a session with the counselor available to her."

"Emmett?" I looked at him, silently asking if he was going to allow Edward to see me.

"Sure Bella. Who ever you want."

"James and I can come often to see you Bella. So you won't feel lonely."

"Hell no." Edward, Emmett, and I said too quickly. We eyed each other, Emmett shocked that Edward responded like that.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked hurt.

"I love you Alice. You know that. But I don't want James anywhere near me. Emmett…please…"

"Ginger. James Vulturi isn't allowed anywhere near Bella." Emmett said, looking at her. Ginger nodded, dotting down the name.

"As well as Laurent Hall and Victoria Gray." I said. Ginger looked at Emmett for confirmation and when he nodded, she wrote it down.

"Whatever then." Alice muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't take it like that Aly. But Bella's here to get better. And I honestly don't think she needs the stress James bring her."

"I get it okay. Can you two just stop insulting him." I sighed and closed my eyes. She always managed to make me feel guilty for hating him. But if she knew the truth, she'd hate me too.


End file.
